February 2020
Communication #6: Unlicensed

I've been given a code!

This one came in a cute envelope with a little window, well more of a slit really, displaying the code for the postman to see. The code is unique to me, at least nothing came up when I googled it, though maybe it will now (INO1N983)

Meanwhile the Preston Enforcement Division has been downsized into a Team.

Oddly they've started addressing me by my name again. I could be visited "at any time; day or evening, weekdays or weekends".

This is appalling.

It should be a colon, not a semi-colon.

January 2020
Communication #5: Visit scheduled

How do you pronounce "scheduled"? Is it pronounced "sheduled" or "skeduled"?

Another load of skit from TV Licensing: a visit by a Horse, sorry, Officer from the Preston (Poulton-le-Fylde, Blackpool North) Enforcement Division is imminent. They will be "polite and fair", though, so no rude brunettes this time.

But really: "they will interview you under caution and this could be used as evidence in court"  Maybe I should throw in a suggestion to consult PACE Code C 3.22 here.

December 2019
Communication #4: Visit temporarily on hold

I'm no longer the Present Occupier (no presents for me then) but the Legal Occupier. And I've got a new reference number!

Alison has decided I am a lost cause and passed my case file onto Jane Jeffers, Enforcement Manager, Preston.

Preston? I've been to Preston a couple of times, but it's not exactly local. If I remember it was all under a glass roof, though maybe that was just the railway station.

Anyhoo, what a nice letter to get at Christmas if you were a person who really thought the DetectorMen were coming in their DetectorVans to see if you were watching Columbo (yes, I'm that old).

Just one more thing: I am correctly licensed!

November 2019
Communication #3: Visit Authorised

Hello again, Alison. So an Officer (with a capital O) will visit my property soon, and to stop this visit... But why should I want to stop this visit? I've got nothing to hide because I don't watch record or download TV as I've told you twice already. The Officer can come. I won't let him in, but he's welcome to try.

Of course he's no more an Officer than the rag-and-bone man's Horse and has no right of entry.

October 2019
Communication  #2: Unlicensed property

I am now "Present Occupier". Jackie has passed my account on to Alison Roberts. If I'm found to be watching, recording or downloading TV illegally, I risk prosecution and a fine.
If.

August 2019
Communication #1: No Licence Needed ?

Jackie Garswood, if I had started to watch television, I would have told you.

Background

I always had a licence, but never watched TV very much.

Just how little was brought home to me one Easter. Before going on holiday, I always scrupulously go round the house unplugging everything. That particular Easter I went to unplug the TV, and realised that it hadn't been plugged in since I had last unplugged it at Christmas. The TV sat in the corner of the living room, licensed but unloved.

Then came the analogue switch-off. Now even had I wanted to watch, I could not have without a set-top box. I didn't bother. The TV went off on the rag-and-bone man's horse and cart and I haven't missed it once.

Of course, no TV equals no licence, so when the time came to renew I informed TV licensing. It was a bit of a performance, if I remember, but eventually I was granted the status No Licence Needed.

Scroll forward two years. Apparently my No Licence Needed claim was about to expire. I never realised it was time-limited. So I told them, again, I did not watch live TV.

August 2019. Once again, my No Licence Needed claim was about to expire. But I've already told you twice that I don't need one, I thought, and twice is once too much. I decided to leave it and see what happened ...