March 2020
Communication #7: Under investigation

PLEASE READ CAREFULLY
I am not in breach of the Communications Act 2003 because I do not watch TV
(and why is my address all over this one like a rash?)

March 2020
Big Red Envelope

It's an Official Notice! It may look like a festive offering from Lidl, but it's those crazy guys from Crapita again. Honestly, guys, this would have gone in the bin with the rest of the junk if I hadn't been expecting March's instalment.

February 2020
Communication #6: Unlicensed

I've been given a code!

This one came in a cute envelope with a little window, well more of a slit really, displaying the code for the postman to see. The code is unique to me, at least nothing came up when I googled it, though maybe it will now (INO1N983)

Meanwhile the Preston Enforcement Division has been downsized into a Team.

Oddly they've started addressing me by my name again. I could be visited "at any time; day or evening, weekdays or weekends".

This is appalling.

It should be a colon, not a semi-colon.

January 2020
Communication #5: Visit scheduled

How do you pronounce "scheduled"? Is it pronounced "sheduled" or "skeduled"?

Another load of skit from TV Licensing: a visit by a Horse, sorry, Officer from the Preston (Poulton-le-Fylde, Blackpool North) Enforcement Division is imminent. They will be "polite and fair", though, so no rude brunettes this time.

But really: "they will interview you under caution and this could be used as evidence in court"  Maybe I should throw in a suggestion to consult PACE Code C 3.22 here.

December 2019
Communication #4: Visit temporarily on hold

I'm no longer the Present Occupier (no presents for me then) but the Legal Occupier. And I've got a new reference number!

Alison has decided I am a lost cause and passed my case file onto Jane Jeffers, Enforcement Manager, Preston.

Preston? I've been to Preston a couple of times, but it's not exactly local. If I remember it was all under a glass roof, though maybe that was just the railway station.

Anyhoo, what a nice letter to get at Christmas if you were a person who really thought the DetectorMen were coming in their DetectorVans to see if you were watching Columbo (yes, I'm that old).

Just one more thing: I am correctly licensed!

November 2019
Communication #3: Visit Authorised

Hello again, Alison. So an Officer (with a capital O) will visit my property soon, and to stop this visit... But why should I want to stop this visit? I've got nothing to hide because I don't watch record or download TV as I've told you twice already. The Officer can come. I won't let him in, but he's welcome to try.

Of course he's no more an Officer than the rag-and-bone man's Horse and has no right of entry.

October 2019
Communication  #2: Unlicensed property

I am now "Present Occupier". Jackie has passed my account on to Alison Roberts. If I'm found to be watching, recording or downloading TV illegally, I risk prosecution and a fine.
If.